Why is Marriage so important.

In “The President’s Marriage Agenda for the Forgotten Sixty Percent” I was introduced to “Middle America” and why this group of people are so important to our country.

“Middle America” refers to the 60% of people in America who are between 25-60 years old who have a high school education, but do not have a 4-year college education. For these people marriage is slipping away. With marriage slipping away with 60% of the American population there are far reaching consequences. This has become the social challenge of our times.

Why is marriage so important you may ask? Marriage is so important because it’s where children are raised and taught, it helps communities thrive and grow and it’s how family members are given the support they need in both the good and the bad times in life. Marriage also has the benefit that two people can live cheaper than two people living singly, it encourages economic specialization and helps couples save and invest more money.

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 “We should realize that a good marriage does not require a perfect man or a perfect woman. It only requires a man and a woman committed to strive together toward perfection.” Elder Oaks

It’s well known that children follow in the footsteps of those before them. If they grow up in a home where there are two happily married parents, then they will be more likely to raise their children in a home with two happily married children. If they grew up in a home with only a single parent that was full of stress then that is most likely what they will raise their children in. The cycle will continue with what they know. Family Patterns matter.

There has become a shift in how American’s view of marriage. 70% of Americans no longer see marriage as for having children. Since 1990 the birth rate is below the replacement rate of 2.1 and children are no longer center stage.

Cohabitating households have increased, which means that the risks to children have increased with these couples.

Risks include:

Higher breakup rates than married couples

Lower household income

Higher levels of child abuse

Higher level of domestic violence

The chance of getting divorced is actually much lower than most people think.

If you have these things you’re more likely to stay together-

Annual income over $50,000

You got married before having kids

You got married after age 25

Your parents are still married

You’re religious

You have a college education

There’s been a smaller number of kids affected by divorce in the past few decades even though divorces have been on the rise. This is due to the fact that there has been a 7 fold increase of babies born out of wedlock and a 15 fold increase in unmarried cohabitation. The number of kids affected by divorce looks to be smaller, but really the number of kids affected by their parents not being together in a loving two parent married household is much higher than we are seeing, it’s just being called different names.

The Impact of Family Formation Change on the Cognitive, Social & Emotional Well-Being of the Next Generation written by Paul R. Amato

The best place to raise children is in a two parent loving married household. Benefits for these children include:

Higher standard of living

They receive more effective parenting

More cooperative co-parenting

Children are emotionally closer to both parents

Children are subjected to fewer stressful events & circumstances

When adults get divorces it effects their children right away, but also all the way into adulthood. Lets take a look at the effects of divorce 1 year after divorce, 2 years after divorce, remarriage and into adulthood.

1 year	2 years	Remarriage	Adulthood
More emotional & behavioral problems than non-divorced children.	Children of divorces and non-divorces children are the same. There may be some lingering issues for boys.	There may be problems, especially for girls.	Lower socioeconomic attainment Increased risk of non-marital birth Weaker bonds with parents Lower psychological well-being Poorer marital quality Elevated risk of own marriage ending in divorce

As you can see the risks to the children of divorce are not only far reaching, but are with them for the remainder of their life. It becomes a pattern that can become hard to brake and one that continues on for many generations until someone brakes it.

While divorce isn’t a healthy situation for children to be living in, there are other situations that children are living in. Let’s look at how they compare to one another.

The long term risks for problems for unmarried single parents and divorced single parents are comparable between the two.

The death of a parent puts a child at risk for a number of problems, but not as many risks that divorce puts a child at risk of.

Stepfamilies have the same number of problems as children in single parent families.

The one exception I read about was discordant, or high conflict families are actually worse off than children where their parents have divorced.

Here are a few tidbits of info I learned that might help you and as think about the kids in your life and how you can help them get through the tough times that come with their parent’s divorce.

-The BEST PREDICTOR of a child’s emotional and social well being was the quality of their parenting.

-Losing contact with dad is one of the MOST PAINFUL outcome of divorce

-Children do better when non-residential fathers were closely involved in their lives.

-The # of transitions is a good prediction of if a child with have behavioral or emotional issues as an adolescent or young adult.

How can we help children to have the most stable living environment?

Create and implement interventions to strengthen marital quality and stability. Best done when parents have their 1st child.

Create and implement interventions to strengthen relationships that encourage marriage among cohabitation couples. Best done when they have their 1st child.

Increasing the # of kids in married homes and improving the well-being of the kids in other structures.